Ok, highly embarrassing but I´ll share anyway. Human beings need other people to reflect into themselves, feel connected and feel a part of the bigger picture 🙂

Yesterday I was attending Mindfulnessinstructor training and feeing so THERE. Excercise after excersise exploring mindful living, doing/being everything really slowly and with awareness.

Then it happened. I had to pee. We were just about to get started after lunch and felt like I had to make it in time. I was in a hurry. As I was pulling my pants back up again ooops my phone fell out of my pocket and into the toilet. This was so not and Ooooops! moment. My interpretation of mindfull beingness, being in equinimity, totally flew out the window. This was one of those moments when in a milisecond I realised the consequences it may cause. A total what!!?!?!? moment when the body pumps up all adrenaine available and the mind goes F***!!?! and it dawned on me that every milisecond it stays in the water is  closer to the cliff of loosing EVERYTHING!

(Yeah I know. I am totally addicted to my phone)

I cried. I was frustrated. Then I felt fear. Then I cried because I thougth I was such a looser to cry over a phone and then I cried when I realised all that might have been lost. And then I bashed myself for being all emotional when all I wanted in class was to look serene and happy and THERE. And my mind went bonkers. And I had to use all the tools to reclaim my awareness. Grand and gloriously timing don´t you think?

And just the other day as I was driving  I had been  listening to Chögyam Trungpas book on Spritiual Materialism and how this tibetan (?) munk/seeker had lost all his precious notes when another man had tipped their boat from pure jealousey and all the notes and papers with all the knowledge he had been taught by this enlightened man he had spent so much time and god on just floated away.

I can relate.

Only he later said that what he really had written down wasn´t really that important because what he knew to be true he knew. He didn´t need the notes to know what he knew. (I´m not there yet).

Practicing mindfulness has a lot to do with acceptance of what is. To stop, observe, accept and to then act or let go. One part of me knew that as I could not act right now I was better off resting into Trust. To let it have me. The acceptance of what I cannot change. The courrage to see it. And to be where I actually was. Phew right….  But during class flashes of what I had saved in my phone came and hit me like a smack in the face. I was now without a watch, I coudn´t call home, the phonebook…  calender…pictures of the kids OMG and all my precious notes for my coming book (of course) and all the profoundness I just HAD TO remember.

Ooops. Reality check. What´s in a phone. Your life or a tool?

I realised I felt like I had lost a vital part of my body like a limb. Walking wounded. Weird. I had to laugh at myself as I just explained to my classmates how last whilst listening to when John De Ruiter had conveyed how the Being is always ok and that if we are dependant on something we create separation. And here I was feeling like I had been left alone in a dark forrest at night with no flashlight. Well alright then. I did survive. I am surviving.

And as John de Ruiter said so eloquently in his special way how nothing is more important than staying in your Being, to not separate and create illusions.

And here I was training to be a Mindfulness instructor feelings o profound and proud to have practiced Buddhist meditation for 1.5 years and now this! Sheesh. What a wonderous ways life takes us… and luckily our teacher had just gifted us a story about her own vulnerability and how she was able to comfort herself by using Loving Kindness towards her experience. To acknowedge what feelings she was experincing and the thoughts that fired them up and then to have compassion with herself and to retrieve her energy and being present again. It´s really so nice when someone you kinda look up to shows you it´s ok to feel vulnerable and that there is a way out.

And the Bigger picture what is a phone to a full heart?